High-Functioning Depression & Anxiety
The recent death of former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst prompted me to write today’s post. Ms. Kryst died by suicide at 30 after living a life that appeared on the outside to be ideal. She was beautiful, smart, and famous, living her best life.
Or so it would seem. As more details emerge about her death, it becomes abundantly clear that Ms. Kryst suffered from mental illness. There is a strong connection between having a mental illness and being at risk for suicide or self-harm. However, it must be said that not everyone who has mental illness will die by suicide.
On the outside, Ms. Kryst looked like she had it all together. This is what I consider to be the profile of someone who has high-functioning depression and anxiety.
Anxiety and depression run on a spectrum of severity and capacity to interfere with life functioning. People who suffer from either illness can and do live productive lives provided they have the right supports. Because we abide by stereotypes about how a depressed or anxious person should look or feel, we often miss the people who appear normal but are truly struggling to live day by day.
Our society has stigmatized mental illness to the point that people who are really suffering from it will not seek help for fear they will be ridiculed or ostracized. While I did not know Ms. Kryst and cannot speak for her, as a therapist, I suspect this is what she was facing.
Someone who has high-functioning depression or anxiety gives off the appearance they are perfectly fine. They smile to mask the crushing sadness, hopelessness and anxiety they feel. If you ask them how they are doing, their response will typically be “I’m fine.” They do not talk about what they’re really feeling and thinking. Why? Because of the very valid fear of rejection.
If you are surrounded by people who do not understand you as a person, you will keep quiet about what is bothering you. If your people think that mental illness is just a made-up condition, you will be less likely to ask for help. If you believe public knowledge about your struggle may keep you from getting further into your career, you will not get help. These are just some of the real concerns people with high-functioning depression and anxiety have.
People with high-functioning depression and anxiety are Oscar-worthy actors. I know this all too well because aside from being a mental health professional, I too have high-functioning depression and anxiety. On the outside, it looks like I have it all – beautiful family, nice house, and growing career as an author, therapist and coach. What you don’t see is how fast I keep paddling so I don’t go under. You may see the duck serenely gliding across the water but never notice the furious movement of its little legs under the surface.
I learned to be this way as a child. I lived in an unsafe environment so telling anyone about what was going on within me was not going to happen. Being the “good girl” helped me stay alive so that’s the mask I wore. If you looked closely, you could’ve seen the anxious girl I was. Fingernails bit to the quick, scabs all over my body from constant skin picking and a high level of perfectionism would’ve been a few telltale signs. As an adult, I continue to wear this mask at times, mostly in the form of perfectionism. I have had several bouts of moderate depression and nobody but my therapist knew because I couldn’t let any of the balls fall.
Who knows all the balls Ms. Kryst had to juggle? What burdens did she have to bear? I guess I will never know. What I do know is her story did not have to end that way.
But, until mental illness has the same parity as physical illness, others’ stories will end up just like Ms. Kryst’s.
I wish she could have felt safe. Safe to be vulnerable. Safe to be seen and heard. Safe to share what life has been like for her.
May you rest in peace, Cheslie Kryst.
