When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Here I am stuck in my home office after nixing a very loose plan to go to another coffeeshop today. Maybe you can sense my frustration, which is directed more toward myself than to any external factors.  

I could blame any number of things, but what it boils down to is this – I haven’t made writing a priority lately and I have been beating myself up about it.  

Perhaps this is your story too. If you’re a parent of children who still live at home, regardless of their age, then you can especially relate. I think my children need me more now than they did when they were little. But, I digress…

What to do when things do not go as planned? Well, I could rant and rave and complain, which I do more often than I would like, or I could do something differently. What about you?  

For me the different part is diving a bit deeper into my behavior and the source of how I got to where I am today. Here are some random thoughts I have about this and maybe they apply to you as well.

1.    Writing and the business of writing still intimidate me, so therefore I don’t make time for it.

2.    I am overly involved with my children’s lives, which I’m disguising as a positive character trait of “I’m such a good mom…”

3.    I am juggling too much, which is indirectly connected to Thought No. 2. Plus, busyness is my go-to mechanism when I’m stressed.

4.    I feel guilty about taking time for myself and my passion.

5.    I am undecided about what to do next with my writing, so I just don’t do it.  

Let me briefly process each of these. For Thought No. 1, I am still sensitive and scared about putting my work out there even though I have published before, have gotten good feedback and will be releasing a new book hopefully by the end of the year. Plus, the business of writing – marketing and networking – is exhausting for someone like me who identifies as an introvert and a highly sensitive person. So, I take the easy road and just don’t do it. Writing is a vulnerable activity, so to change the way I’m thinking about this, I have to recognize that and honor my feelings. If I want to be a writer, published or not, I have to be okay with being vulnerable even if no one else sees my writing but me.  

For Thought No. 2, I think a lot of moms are guilty of this – being too involved with their children. I am on the verge of being an Empty Nester, so I know all too well that the window of opportunity to be physically present with the kids left at home is closing. And I am holding onto them for dear life. So perhaps I need to dive into my fear here and think about what letting go means to me. My initial thought here is anticipatory grief.  

For Thoughts No. 3 and 4, I link those directly to my history of trauma. A lot of trauma survivors will mention staying busy to avoid thoughts and feelings about the trauma. 2023 has been a milestone year for me and I’ve been triggered a lot. Also, it’s been ingrained in me by my family of origin, my culture and a few others that moms don’t take breaks. Yes, that is faulty thinking, but one that is hard to totally break away from.

Thought No. 5 has stumped me for a long time – over a year at least. As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I am doing a lot – I write, I counsel, and I provide care for my mother. Currently, my counseling practice has taken off, which means I’ve been busier than usual. While that is great, I feel like I’ve abandoned my true passion which is writing. Additionally, I am not sure what else I want to do with my writing. Yes, I want to publish more books, but I also want to host retreats and create courses. I want to do it all and since 2020, I have tried to follow my multipassionate inclinations by jumping too quickly into multiple projects, courses and coaching opportunities. This obsession, if you want to call it that, or more appropriately, “Shiny Object Syndrome,” has only left me disappointed and a lot poorer.  

So, for this situation, I’ve been wanting to take my time with discernment. With the limitations I have on time and resources, I want to make sure that what I wind up doing is something that I really want to do and will be valuable to me and others. Wise thinking, right? Well, not if you’re an overthinker, like I am. The biggest problem I run into with discernment is analysis paralysis. I am pretty good at that, and truth be told, it’s a good skill to have if you’re a counselor because you can look at a lot of angles of any situation.   

I think I’ve just “therapized” myself, but I need to go deeper to come up with some solutions. Stay with me on this road as I uncover more about this.

If you’ve been stuck like I have, what has helped you get unstuck? Do any of my thoughts resonate with you? If so and you wish to share, send an email to lori@loriapeterswriter.com.

Write & Rise!