Let the Low Be
Hey everybody. January has finally come to an end and we in the Northern Hemisphere are one step closer to spring. The month has not been a kind one to me and it’s been a real struggle.
All those goals I mentioned in my last post remain unacted upon, staring me in the face like a parent about to yell at their child.
Let me tell you what happened. A few months ago, I started feeling the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder aka SAD. If that is a new term for you, allow me to explain – SAD is basically depression that occurs in a particular meterological season, like winter. People can also get SAD in the summer too. I am prone to SAD as well as regular ol’ depression and anxiety because of my trauma history, so I try to remain vigilant about any changes in my mood, thoughts and behaviors. Being a psychotherapist helps in this regard. I also lean really hard into my self-care regimen because exercise, diet and access to social supports play an important role in mitigating mood disorders. I was doing really well until mid-January.
If you’ve been following my story for awhile, then you’ll know that mid-January is a hard time for me. My dad died on January 17. Also, the winter reminds me of my father-in-law, whose health began to decline at this time of year. He died a few months after my dad. I was bracing myself for all of this and was proactive in my self-care. But then, winter struck hard. My region endured two snowstorms nearly back-to-back. It was already becoming a struggle to get out and do my daily sanity walk and now I was stuck indoors and becoming best friends with my snow shovel. I was tossed into the funk I now find myself in.
I have no real motivation to write. I’m doing the bare minimum. I’m in survival mode. And I’ve been here before. The old me of say 20 years ago would’ve pushed through this and kept going. But that only resulted in my depression returning with a vengeance. I’ve since learned that pushing through is not the answer and that it’s okay to sit with all these feelings and thoughts, to marinate in them for awhile. It’s okay not to do anything. It’s okay to be down. It’s okay to slow down and rest. That’s what everything else is doing now in nature anyway – resting and recovering. Mother Nature is my guide in this.
A few days ago, a phrase popped into my mind that has given me comfort - Let it be, let the low be for now. I say this not as a false pep talk but as an invitation to meet myself where I am now and trust that things will eventually get better.
In the waiting, I am sinking into what I call my hygge antidote – leaning into creature comforts such as the warmth of a hot cup of tea on my hands, the swirly deliciousness of hot cocoa as it hugs my throat, and the soft caress of my favorite fuzzy blanket as I watch TV. I’m also giving myself permission to say yes in the smallest of ways like buying that tea pot because it looks pretty and makes my soul smile, like sleeping in an extra 30 minutes, like lingering in the shower while the steam envelops me. I know I’m approaching the other side of this and so I continue to hang on.
Have you ever experienced SAD or some other situation that prevented you from writing? I’d like to hear about it. If you feel comfortable doing so, please share your story by emailing me at lori@loriapeterswriter.com.
Write & Rise, my friends.
