How to Build Resilience, Part 2
Today’s post is the second of a two-part series on building resilience. Last time, I talked about what baby steps you can take to start the foundation. Now, it’s time to take it to the next level because building resilience requires you to shape your life as you want it. And you can’t do that if you’re not willing to be the key player. Taking action empowers you and gives you confidence. It shows you what you’re capable of doing. Dreaming without action is just hallucination.
Okay, so what happens next once you take those baby steps, feel good as you do that and are ready to move on to the bigger steps?
Check in with yourself and gauge your level of readiness. This was included in the first part – taking stock of where you are and whether you’re ready to move on. I’m including it again because with this process, you need to check in with yourself every step of the way. It’s not a linear process and you may find that you may go between not wanting to make changes and wanting to. It’s okay to do that cha-cha dance. Checking in with yourself frequently is an excellent way to ensure what you’re feeling is in alignment with what you’re doing. If it doesn’t feel right, then it’s time to ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing for you. With all that being said, if you are in a traumatic situation right now – like a situation of domestic violence, then you have to be very careful about this first step. You may want to leave but can’t – for a million reasons. And that is okay!! Leaving a situation like that is messy and complicated and it’s one that has to be carefully planned because leaving could put you in danger. So, if you’re in such a situation, making changes will look differently for you. For you, the first step may be reaching out to a domestic violence shelter or support. Okay, if you are in a safe space to take another step, then the next one would be…
Take a look at your life and see if what you’re doing now is really what you want to be doing. You don’t have to take any big action now – remember, we’re just taking baby steps. For now, we are just exploring the ‘maybes’. I also want to take into account that in a lot of situations, you have to do things out of necessity. But maybe you can reshape that into something that feels more enjoyable and/or fulfilling. Some examples:
Instead of working the 9 to 5 and having that long commute, maybe you can work from home
Maybe you can work 3 to 4 days a week instead of 5
Maybe you can split up your job with someone else and not work so much
Maybe you can call in a babysitter or mother’s helper to give you a break from the children
Maybe you can create a space in your home to help you feel more supported and refreshed
Maybe…maybe…maybe – the list is endless.
If you’re ready to take bigger action steps, but don’t know where to start, begin by asking yourself these key questions:
Am what I’m doing now what I really want or just feel like I should do?
What do I want? How do I want to feel when I’ve done it?
To answer that question of what you really want, you’ll have to go inward. Tap into your inner knowing, your inner wisdom and ask yourself what it is you like, what lights you up, what would you spend time doing if money was no object, what is your dream? What is something that you get lost in, that you lose all track of time?
Let me pause here to say something to those of you who have trauma in your background. This part of checking in with yourself and asking what you want and feel can be triggering and can create emotional unrest if you’ve never done that before. Part of being resilient is becoming aware of when you’re becoming emotionally dysregulated and then using tools to bring you back to a calmer state. You cannot plan anything while you’re triggered. What I recommend is working with a mental health professional or experienced trauma recovery coach to help you figure out your feelings and tap into your intuition.
After you do this inventory, take a deep breath and check in with yourself and your level of readiness.
Ask yourself if you’re ready to take the next step because it’ll be a big one. It’s a step where you have to take action. Lots of people spend all their lives dreaming but never doing because taking action is pretty damn hard and scary. Ask yourself if you’re one of those people. The next step is…
Make an action plan.
There are many ways to create a plan of action. Here’s how I do it:
At the beginning of every year (or you can do this at any time), I ask myself what I want to achieve. I limit myself to 3 maybe 4 goals because any more than that feels overwhelming to me.
Then, I break up those goals into 4 quarters or seasons of the year.
In each quarter/season, I create 3 or 4 bullet points – objectives – that will help me reach the yearly goals.
At the end of each quarter, I reassess my plan by checking in with my energy to see if I’m still in alignment. This is crucial – I’ve found that what I’ve stated at the beginning of the year isn’t necessarily what I end up with at the end, and that’s because I am always checking in with my inner wisdom and energy for alignment and making changes so I remain in alignment. Life happens and goals change. You have to set up your plan to be flexible.
Then, I break the quarter plan further by doing a weekly review. I ask myself a certain set of questions such as what went well and what didn’t, what felt good and didn’t, what progress I’m making, what am I noticing and what priorities do I have for the upcoming week. I must give credit to Quiet Marketing Coach Danielle Gardner for helping me set up this review. It has helped me tremendously for energy and alignment check-ins. If you want to check out her website, go to www.danigardner.com .
For a few of you, that plan I outlined may be a lot, so feel free to tailor it to whatever suits you. It may be just as simple as identifiying one goal and then taking action toward that. If you need help, feel free to reach out to me, a therapist or a life coach.
Find support. This is the last step I recommend. If you’ve never done anything like this before – like taking control of your life and planning a life you want to live – you’re going to need help. Ideally, this support can come from someone who’s been where you are and has a point of reference they can use to guide you, but you can also reach out to a group of friends who get you, a support group, a mental health professional, a life coach or caring family members. Just make sure the support is FOR you and not against you. There’s nothing harder than trying to make positive, lasting changes in life when the people around you do not support you.
Another reason to find the appropriate support is you need to be held accountable. I’ve learned that I’ve gotten further faster when I involved others. Self-accountability is really hard and if you’re overly attached to your comfort zones and limiting mindsets, you’re not going to push yourself like someone else could.
I hope what I’ve shared here has been super helpful. Resilience is possible. If you’re looking for additional guidance, feel free to reach out to me at lori@loriapeterswriter.com.
Write & Rise, my friends.
